We took the kids to the "Fall Festival" in downtown Franklin yesterday. Like all downtown Franklin events and activities, the Fall Festival was very crowded.
The poor storeowners downtown had to give everyone candy, even though no one was particularly greatful. There were so many kids running around, the storeowners had to give out cheap stuff in order to survive - which in turn annoyed the greedy kids (mine included). It was a no win proposition and the storeowners must have given out hundreds and hundreds of pieces of candy.
Publix had a decent tent and there was a ton of stuff to do for kids. Adults...not so much.
Big article on prostitution (a timely subject discussed in a recent post on this high brow blog) in the Tennessean.
We won our second soccer game (where we don't keep score), 3-2. Man-child scored all 3 goals. That gives him 8 goals for the season (8 goals for our team) and two victories.
Hey! Pawn shop dad filled me in on his rates for pawned items. Apparently when a poor downtrodden patron pawns one of his/her belongings, the person is charged the surely usurious rate of 20% for every 30 days. THAT is unacceptable. I need to open a pawn shop...
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This is the view out my office window from yesterday...
...and this is the view off of my deck in Williamson...
It's kind of an overcast fall day in Nashville, but it's pretty warm. Soccer game at 10:00 am. Then maybe downtown? Don't know yet. Have to get ready for the Great Pumpkin.
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Originally, I was planning to destroy the jersey after today’s festivities, but that would be pretty stupid (it’s brand new), so I am leaning towards donating it to some Indianapolis Charity.
The whole building is dressed up.
There is a great scene in the movie “Mean Girls” where Lindsay Lohan’s character talks about the way adolescent girls use costume parties to dress as skanky and slutty as humanly possible. She points out that by dressing skanky at a costume party, girls can show tons of skin while enjoying the built in “costume party excuse.”
There are many women, I am convinced, that never grow out of that predisposition. In our building, any woman who is even moderately fit seems to come up with some “costume excuse” to wear the most skin-tight or revealing outfit they can find.
So for example, the disco floor, has men in absolutely unflattering polyester, but women find the most expensive, tight fitting bell bottoms they can fit into and accentuate their pants with a tied bikini-ish top.
The “armed forces” floor has a couple of young gals in camouflage bottoms with really tight fitting black tank tops.
Of course there are all sorts of women dressed as cats in the building and they have skin tight black bodysuits. Enough already…will you give us all a small break? Just dress as a porn star and let’s dispense with the charade.
How about a Hooters girl? I’ve got it…If someone dressed up as a fluffer, THAT would be a hell of a costume. I am sure most people would have no idea what the girl was supposed to be, but I could vote for a costume like that. I might subsequently have to escort the employee who came up with that costume out of the building, or at least recommend some coaching and counseling, but I would give them full points for putting themselves out there. Subtlety is for crap…
No foo foo costumes that pretend to be acceptable even though they are transparent excuses to show off your body, just to hell with the pretext, I’ve got an exhibitionist, slutty side and here it is.
Instead I have to watch women pretend they “innocently” wanted to dress up as catwoman or wonderwoman or a cat or for some inexplicable reason, a sexy army soldier. You know not to be too technical, but most privates have to wear that dark olive green t-shirt and a camouflage jacket. I don’t think those slinky black sleeveless tops are Government Issue.
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It only took me three months to put up a list of links to other blogs that I visit. I know that's sad and pathetic since it took me about five minutes to figure out the dopey blogroll thing, but the important thing is I put up something eventually.
The only problem is that like many lawyers I know, I didn't read any fine print in the terms and conditions of service, so I don't know if I am now signed up for a lifetime of SPAM or if my third born child now belongs to some webmaster over at blogroll.com. But the point is that I visit these blogs and websites and I wanted everyone to know it, even though really I leached most of my audience from these blogs and websites, so most of you know them already. I have some websites to add, but these are Nashville blogs, so they deserve a first run.
I am still waiting for my blogskin. Where is it?
Of course, they do have my money already...I found them online...I paid via paypal...
YOU shouldn't be SO suspicious. I can see it in your eyes. I am sure I will receive by primary color blue blogskin when the time is right.
We just got an estimate on two sets of cabinets for the TV room. These structures would each consist of 3 foot high cabinets with 8 foot high bookshelves on top. They would be less than 3 feet wide apiece.
Estimate = $2,800.00
What the fuck? Are they made of gold? This guy would probably churn these out in two days. Materials would maybe add up to $200.00; so we pay this guy $1,300.00 a day? What do I look like the Bellagio?
I think that is one of the many problems with living in Williamson County. People assume you have tons of money. We do not have tons of money. We have some money, but we mostly spend it on ice-cream, bagels and mini-van payments. I don't have $2,800.00 to pay for playroom bookshelves.
I need to call a carpenter from Donelson or something. That’s what we did with our backyard fencing. We got some fence-making company from way east of Nashville to build our fence. They undercut all the Franklin fence-making folks by something like a thousand dollars.
Gasoline costs 10 cents less a gallon where I work. I am sick of it: sick, sick, sick.
I almost bought tickets to that Martina McBride Joy of Christmas Special at Gaylord last weekend. I don’t know what I was thinking. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it’s just embarrassing…
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Today was the Nashville leg of Andreawalks for Tennessee’s Children. It started raining just as the event got under way, but the participation level was still good. The walk was very well attended and many "high profile" people showed up including the Governor and a good friend of mine from the US Attorney’s Office.
I intended to walk the whole thing even though everyone from my company bagged after the first mile, but I honestly didn’t realize that because of the hugely long breaks and the slower pace, it was going to take seven or eight hours to finish the thing.
After walking for a while, I looked down at my watch, it was around noon and we had only walked around five miles. Five miles in three hours was not going to cut it if we had to finish 11 plus miles any time in the foreseeable future. So I left after five miles…I felt guilty and I felt like a wuss, but I honestly would have gladly run the last six if they let me and I needed to get back to work. The rule was that you weren’t allowed to run, or even get ahead of the lead car. I couldn’t give up the whole day…I had told my boss I would be back for the afternoon.
This is a great charity though and everyone seemed really into the walk. AndreaWalks is one of those charities that almost everyone universally can comfortably support.
My new blog skin hasn’t arrived yet. I am really curious what these people come up with since I gave them almost no direction at all. (I think I told them I liked the color blue.) I am waiting for their demand for more detail, but will be very pleasantly surprised if they just make me something and demand that I use it.
A good friend of mine in our Purchasing Department owns a bagel shop called Big Apple Bagels in Murfreesboro. I have started buying a dozen bagels from him every week. I personally think his bagels are the best in Nashville. If you know where this place is, I strongly recommend you try the bagels at least once. (Try the apple pie bagels.) My friend also owns the “My Favorite Muffin” shop and the Brewster’s Coffee Shop (I think it’s all one big store). The muffins are made from scratch...also very, very good. I am not going to say anything about the coffee, because some coffee Nazi might go on a coffee rant yelling at me for the shallow depth of my coffee knowledge. (It's all just roasted Arabica beans right?)
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In typical lawyerly fashion, I have outsourced the development of my new blog-skin. I have always believed that the greatest skill I offer the legal community is my unflinching ability to delegate my work. It will only be a matter of time before I outsource posting on this blog to one of my two interns. Also, I think it is important to note that I didn’t ship the job of creating my blog-skin overseas, so all the revenue associated with the creative will stay stateside. I am always doing my part to help the United States economy.
I expect to have a new look to my blog within a couple of weeks.
Wow. TNF let my poor little county have it in their night-life blog. The Williamson County post sounds pretty consistent with my limited late-night experiences in downtown Franklin, but it was still kind of disappointing to read. There is a shop in downtown Franklin that stays open late on Saturday nights. I think they sell picture frames and handbags. No alcohol. Not a whole lot of room for dancing. Most of the patrons are in the 50-70 year old age group.
I was driving down Murfreesboro Road with some of my co-workers on the way to lunch when we saw a voluptuous woman with a backpack, tank top and black spandex bike shorts. One of the more “seasoned” members of our crew yelled out, “she’s working.”
Me: “What do you mean she’s working?”
Him: “She’s a prostitute.”
Me: “No she’s not.”
Everybody else in the car: “Yes she is.”
Me: “Oh”
Apparently, I seem to be the only person who lives in Nashville that doesn’t know where the prostitution centers in Metro are located.
Anyway, there were a couple of women walking down the street with their little backpacks and no offense, but these women were pretty rough. I am not sure what people are thinking, but I could almost smell the STD’s in the air.
I remember something like four years ago there was some city wide crackdown on prostitution and the police shutdown something like 200 storefronts in Nashville that were actually brothels. Most of these businesses purported to be tanning places and lingerie modeling establishments. One of the busted establishments was “The Private Dancer” which was a little white house next to the apartment complex I lived in while I was in Law School.
I can honestly say I have never ever been in the Private Dancer, (I didn’t have any money during Grad School – not that I necessarily would have gone even if I had money – see my explanation of applying oneself in an old post), but I am told Private Dancer was just a private gentleman’s club. I never really thought it could be a brothel because that seemed way too obvious. Anyhow, I am told that Nashville was then considered one of the worst cities for prostitution in the country.
So are all these women working on Murfreesboro Road now?
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Vanderbilt should, by all things transitive, be favored to beat Florida by 25.
I also forgot to mention that I voted on Saturday. I went to the West Main Street Election Board building in Franklin at around 2:00 pm. No lines. No wait. Aside from the Preisdential voting section, I honestly didn't understand how the stupid light-up sheet worked. I am sure the powers that be will be shipping me off to Florida shortly.
I spent some time this weekend trying to figure out if I wanted to do anything with this blog. Everything is still up in the air.
Our family has had a website for around seven years now where we have put all the family pictures, new house pictures, etc. This weekend we made the command decision that the website and the personal web address was no longer necessary. With all the online photo services and all the blogs available, there really isn’t any point. So maybe I will take the money I normally spend on the family website and invest it in this blog...all $84.00 or whatever we spend on that stupid web-hosting...
My wife tested positive for strep throat on Friday, so we spent this weekend getting the kids checked out and huddling in the house waiting for strep to hit me and/or the kids. It was a non-event. We missed the soccer game, our friends had the baby on Friday morning (so no baby shower) and we decided on Sunday that everyone was ok, so we ended up going to the birthday party that my daughter was invited to. No strep and everyone is fine.
I watched IROBOT this weekend. And, I enjoyed it, which is really embarrassing, but you’ll have to bear with me as I justify and rationalize the complex series of events that led to my favorable review of this ridiculous movie…
So, I fire up the PVR (Dish-network TIVO) and notice that the latest episode of Southpark is sitting in the queue unwatched. In this week’s episode (a repeat I am sure), Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kennyare walking down the street when a local crew of third grade street dancers step up to them and “serve” them. After dancing in the face of the Southpark boys, the local crew walks off and laughs at the Southpark kids. The local crew gets in one parting shot, “you just got served.”
Anyway, (after this confession, this BLOG definitely stays anonymous), Southpark gets me thinking how cool the battle sequences are in “You Got Served,” the fine Chris Stokes movie from January of this year that in my defense, actually grossed $40 Million domestic. (If you visit Rotten Tomatoes, the movie gets a whopping 17%. This is one of the lowest ratings I have ever seen.) So, I dig out the DVD (don’t ask why I have it), and fast forward to the dance sequences.
When I decided I’d had enough of B2K battling some white washed big money crew in front of L’il Kim, I decided to go and watch IROBOT.
So there is your context. IROBOT is pretty dumb, but it’s a fucking cinematic tour de force compared to “You Got Served,” so I ended up really enjoying it. Listen, I can pretend to like artsy movies with the best of them. But there are a gazillion blogs that sing the praises of movies like The Station Agent, The Barbarian Invasions, Dogville, Maria Full of Grace and Coffee & Cigarettes.
Please don’t’ remember that you read it here. “You Got Served” and IROBOT…two diamonds in the rough…
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Welcome to the three month anniversary of my blog.
In honor of our upcoming elections, I thought I should post a Nashville Stories “commitment list” and party platform. In keeping with political precedent, I may or may not honor any of the promises I make on this list, but I will maybe try my best.
I will not try to unmask Mr. Roboto or any of the other TNF crew, even though I think that would make for pretty compelling theatre.
No matter how bored I am, I will absolutely, under no circumstances, post any song lyrics on this blog.
I will stay out of any blog wars…even if I am confident that there are despotic bloggers out there with lots of petroleum products.
I will never tell you how I voted and I will never try to get you to vote one way or another. The sad truth is; I am not even sure I care if you vote. There are a lot of people I know who are just better off staying at home on election-day and reading a book (and not just because they disagree with me).
I will limit the legalese.
I will be nice.
I will try not to post pictures of my kids.
I will try not to write about the banality of life, or suicide, or manic depression. I think that a good 95% of the rest of the blogging world has that covered.
I will never go “Goth,”militant or super-ultra-redneck on you.
To be continued…
This article has earned an enviable position at the top of my Nashville stories list.
Is this the best quote ever?
When a reporter from The Tennessean called the family last night, a relative who did not identify herself said the reporter should not write about the case or name the family — ''or there would be consequences.'' (Ian Demsky, Disturbing incident observed at VU sleep lab, Tennessean, October 22, 2004)
What is she going to do, sing a satanic lullaby and slap the reporter in the back?
This reporter Demsky gets all the best assignments. I think this is the same guy that got to cover “Voodoo Hand.” I would love to be at the Tennessean Reporter meetings when they hand out assignments. I wonder if Demsky asks for these assignments, or is the new guy, so he has no choice…I like to think that he begs for these stories.
I made the mistake of talking a whole bunch of smack and then betting a Red Sox fan on the ALCS. So on our next casual day, I will be reduced to wearing a Peyton Manning Colts Jersey and subjecting myself to the ridicule of people who don’t care about baseball but enjoy humiliating a co-worker. (Bunch of opportunistic despicable lawyers…) I will of course, have to purchase the jersey with my own hard earned money which is unfair. Anybody have an old Manning Jersey they are willing to sell to me?
This sucks.
October is always the a/c “on and off” month around Nashville. Last week I had to turn the heat on for the very first time this year and then two days later, I had to restart the a/c. Of course, when I turn on the heat, I have to adjust the thermostat down, but if someone then kick starts the a/c again, it gets freezing cold in the house. Isn’t the whole point of a thermostat to maintain a constant temperature? What’s wrong with my thermostat?
I was all prepared to be one of the 7 or 8 people at the Vandy game this Saturday, but a friend of mine is having a baby shower. Saturday morning, my daughter has her first soccer game and then on Sunday, that same daughter will be attending a birthday party. This weekend is going to be too busy.
I have a big confession. I have never really liked REM. I have a bunch of REM albums and I tried real hard to like them in college, but the truth is, I find their music annoying and I find Michael Stipes’ whiny and self-righteous. I realize this is pretty sacrilegious and could lead to some kind of weird reaction from any readers from Athens, Georgia, (or schools like Swarthmore or Reed), but in my personal opinion, the band is mediocre.
Will someone please tell me what Ben Folds is doing producing William Shatner’s new album? One of you guys must be plugged into music-y stuff. Is this a joke or what? I am not huge Ben Folds fan, BUT I am a huge Aimee Mann fan and I DO NOT approve of her collaborating with William Shatner on one of these spoken word albums. The whole thing is very strange.
Hey. I’ve heard a rumor that there is a really awesome new custard shop somewhere in the Nashville area. Anybody know where it is?
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This morning, I was asked to serve as one of the company representatives for the AndreaWalks for Tennessee Children. It is utterly pathetic how "not charitable" I am, so I expect I will walk the full ten miles as sort of a penance.
Anyhow, I will step out of my normal non-political pointless blog banter for a moment to encourage everyone to visit the website and read a little about the charity. I actually think this one is pretty worthwhile.
Unfortunately for most people, the walk is on a Wednesday October 26. Fortunately for me, my boss is giving me the time off to walk...
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There is something not quite right about the Genghis Khan (Mongolian Barbecue) in Cool Springs. While we were in Ann Arbor, we really enjoyed eating at the “Mongolian Barbecue” restaurant downtown. But something about the Cool Springs Genghis Khan restaurant doesn’t seem quite the same.
I think it boils down to two things:
The line of food is really short compared to the original restaurant.
The seating seems really fast-foody compared with the other restaurant.
I still think it tastes pretty good, but for some reason I haven’t been dying to go there after our first visit.
Cool Springs is really, really crowded on Friday and Saturday nights. It seems like no matter which restaurant you go to, it is packed, and yet, so many restaurants in Franklin seem to fail. It is vexing.
A couple of years ago, they took away my Canyon Café, then they took away the Cooker (where my wife and I met for the first time) and then they put up a Green Hills Grille in the middle of Cool Springs. Goddamnit…I want my restaurants back.
I wonder why Cool Springs doesn’t have very many bars. Why doesn’t the TNF crowd come to Cool Springs? Wouldn’t it stand to reason that many, many attractive, wealthy available women and men would live in Williamson County? (I wouldn’t know.)
I happen to have it from a VERY credible source, (my recently divorced, a little bit crazy neighbor) that there are gaggles of available beautiful women in Williamson County.
My “diagonal from our backyard” neighbor is a single divorcee around fifty years old and he has a new woman cavorting around his house every weekend. He claims that Williamson County is over-flowing with available “hot” women. It’s been interesting to watch his transformation from shell-shocked divorcee (When I first met him, he said that he “didn’t understand what went wrong with his marriage.”) to full on playa. He has a two door sports coupe a big house, and a cell phone glued to his ear 24/7.
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Last week I started to get bad headaches during the early afternoon and on into the evening. Headaches are no big deal right? It probably has something to do with the stress of my career (corporate law is an ugly, sordid and I daresay evil endeavor) coupled with the stress of chasing a four year old and a two year old around pumpkin patches and soccer fields. (Yeah. That’s all the stress I’ve got. – Although reading blogs all day written by young single trendy people who are having all kinds of sordid fun while I am stuck in suburbia trying to live a responsible life is pretty fucking aggravating and can’t be helping my stress.)
Some time late last week I realized…despite the fact that I make a very special effort to drink decaf coffee, I also drink two 24 oz. cups of Diet Coke every day and last week, I didn’t have my trusty dollar bills handy, so I abstained.
Hey! I think I am going through caffeine withdrawal…
So, on Friday I decide that I am going to stop cold turkey. No more caffeine polluting my body. My body is after all, a temple. I mean it’s not the fucking Taj Mahal or anything, but headaches and withdrawal symptoms are unacceptable.
By Friday night, the headaches are pretty bad, so I give in to my demons and decide to forego the one-step program and drink some caffeine to make my headache go away. I look in the pantry and lo and behold, the wife has purchased all Caffeine Free Diet Coke. Shit. Gotta find some caffeine. I look further behind the evil brown labeled drug-free concoctions and find diet A&W Root Beer – Whahoooo! But then I read the label. For some strange reason, Diet A&W is caffeine free. Now what?
I don’t want to appear pathetic or anything, so I decide not to drive down the street to the Walgreens just to get my fix, instead, I look through the upper shelves of the pantry trying to find anything that might have caffeine. I try to remember if chocolate has enough caffeine to quiet the cravings. I realize all I have is chocolate chips.
So. I take two Advil and go to sleep.
Saturday is particularly bad day. I convince my feeble brain that my lack of caffeine is making me lethargic. Now, in addition to my headache (arrives around noon), I refuse to do anything…except watch football…the Vandy game is on TV and that’s not helping my headache. The boy is playing with his dinosaurs…I ask him if he can get me some white label Diet Coke…he tells me that his dinosaur is a Triceratops.
Saturday night, I turn in early and take two more Advil. My head still hurts.
Sunday I still have a headache. I watch the Titans and the headache gets a little worse. Then we go to the pumpkin patch. My wife buys a white label Diet Coke! Oh sweet nectar of the Gods…but the boy wants some Diet Coke and between the boy and my wife there is barely any left. Luckily, my headache isn’t so bad anyway…a light at the end of the tunnel.
Monday – Sprite Zero in the morning and no headache until around 6:30. Even in the evening, the fear of tornadoes and thunderstorms more or less replace any caffeine cravings. I sleep fitfully.
Today, it’s Crystal Light in the morning and I am headache free! Look at me! What incredible resolve I have. I think I’ve kicked it! Caffeine free for five days…they should name the Vending machine in the break area after me.
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Friday is the 3 month anniversary of this blog. As of Friday, this blog will have been around about 2 months and 3 weeks longer than any reasonable person could have expected.
All of the other Nashville Blogs seem to have their own web-address, which would be cool except that someone is cyber-squatting on Nashvillestories.com leaving me with the frankly unacceptable Nashvillestories.org or Nashvillestories.net. But, I have a hard time with this dang Blogger interface, and I could make this whole thing much more interesting if I screwed around in some “dummy” application like Frontpage or Dreamweaver. All that said, I am going to keep searching for an acceptable web address so that I can turn this into a web page. That will make it easier to invite friends and family to visit my blog.
Looking the whole thing over, I honestly don’t think I have anything on here that could possibly offend anyone who knows me because people who already know me have already decided that I am either annoying or offensive (and therefore not worth their precious time - jerks) or innocuous and boring enough to just ignore.
Anyhoo, one kind reader has suggested that I look to the “naked cowboy” website for theme ideas. Great suggestion, but of course, not very realistic since I post at work, which would be problematic in and of itself, but probably suicidal if I were posting pictures of myself or anybody else for that matter in various states of undress.
In the mean time, I have a question. (But it’s rhetorical.) Why is it that many of the younger professional women I know think it is ok to go out dancing with men when they are in a relationship? This is bugging me.
I recently asked a co-worker what she did on a particular weekend and the conversation went something like this:
Her, “I went out dancing with my friends.”
Me, “So what’s the story, do you guys dance in a protective little girlie circle or what?”
Her, “No…I dance with guys at the club.”
Me, “Is your husband there?”
Her, “No, he doesn’t like to dance.”
Me, “Does he know you dance with other guys?”
Her, “I don’t know. I don’t think it would bother him.”
Listen. I am a fairly open-minded guy. To quote George Costanza for the second time in this blog, “I swing with the best of them.” But you’ve got to be kidding me. What color is the sky in this dopey husband’s world? I actually confirmed with my wife that on her girl’s nights out it most certainly was not ok for her to dance with strange men…she of course immediately made it clear that the same held for me. (I took that to mean that I can't dance with strange men, but the occassional young female is ok by her...) Not sure who got the better exchange, but fair is fair.
The co-worker told me I was too uptight and that I should never discuss this topic with her husband.
Alcohol, dancing and the allure of extra-marital sex...I am sure there is no harm in that at all.
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I know that many of the folks that visit this blog are probably under the impression that Nashville is becoming too cosmopolitan even for the very, very trendy; so as a brief diversion from pro-wrestling and popsicle stores, I give you Gentry's Pumpkin Patch...
This Sunday after watching the Titan's get their butt whupped by The Texans, I took the gang to the pumpkin patch. Every year, in Franklin, TN, these farm-owners on New Highway 96 West set up a couple of barnyard style activities and charge $5.00 a pop for people to visit and take a hay-ride or buy a pumkin or swing on a tire swing.
I just bet that a guy who wanted to convey the illusion of "sensitivity" could take an unsuspecting date to this place and then he could pretend to be enthralled by the expressions on all the kids' faces. The guy's date would be bored senseless, but she might see the fella in a different light if he started to get all weepy seeing all the families milling around and looking at chickens and rabbits. I have no idea why kids like this place...but they do. You'll probably have to stay for at least a couple of hours if you want your sensitivity to at least be sorta plausible.
What are these? I see them all over the place and I use them as practice baseballs. Sometimes they are covered with gooey crap.
Oh hey, you know what?
Chicken butt...
Guess you had to be there.
Here is some corn.
...and cows...
You're probably thinking I saved the pictures of the pumkins for last...well, honestly, people had more or less cleaned out the pumpkin patch. There were a few pumpkins, but I didn't feel like running through the fields trying to find them. My wife had already gotten some discount pumkins the other day.
So there you have it. Again, for some inexplicable reason kids really seem to enjoy this thing. There is a cornfield maze and animals and a hay-ride and bales of hay. That more or less sums it up. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have fun, because it's always fun to chase the boy around bales of hay. I also ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in over five years. That's why I didn't take so many pictures.
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Did anybody watch the Miami – Louisville Game? It was one of the better college games I have seen this year. I expected to hear a whole lot of commentary about Miami moving into the ACC and Louisville taking Miami’s place in the Big East, but nobody really said much. (I think I have that right about Louisville.) Usually I try to stay away from watching good college teams, because it only adds to the agony of my Vanderbilt Football fandom, but what the hell…
I have a “weekly” poker group that actually plays once every two months. Most of us in the group are attorneys of one kind or another; there are a few hapless engineers sprinkled in for background noise. Now before you yell at us for trying to be trendy, we have been playing off and on for about six or seven years now, so we aren’t jumping on the Travel Channel/ESPN bandwagon. We play very low stakes, but in typical lawyerly behavior, we get totally worked up about it anyway. Hopefully we’ll get a game going next week and I can give you a rundown of the results.
I have said before that I like animals, but given the choice between protecting kids playing soccer and shooting a dog, I would shoot the dog. My personal assessment (Why the hell am I writing about this?) of the situation is that if the dog was sitting calmly, it doesn’t look good for the officer, but based on the facts, it’s still a close call:
Dog bites animal control person
Dog gets excited when officer comes over
Kids are playing in a field nearby
Officer doesn’t think he can control the dog
Officer shoots dog
It’s a fucking dog
Seriously, very few things scare me as much as stray dogs around my kids. So if an overzealous cop decides to shoot a dog in an over-abundance of caution, I can live with it. I have seen way too many dogs in my neighborhood that are clearly dangerous to small children. And it really bothers me to think about some kids playing soccer and suddenly getting a chunk of their leg removed by a big vicious dog. I know it rarely happens, but when it does it’s pretty tough to take and everybody asks, "why, why, why?" Well, maybe it's because the police didn't come and shoot the dang dog because they were scared that the animal rights activists would crucify them and help to insure the premature end of their crime-fighting career. (That's a little unfair, but I am exaggerating.)
Can you imagine what they would have said about this cop if the dog ran away into the field, and then bit and injured some five year old that got in the dog’s way? Then again, I’d really be pretty ticked off if some cop shot my cat Cappuccino and all Cappuccino was doing was sitting around. I dunno what position to take. Just don't shoot my cat.
Once again, the real question is, why the fuck am I writing about this stupidity? Maybe I am trying to avoid talking about that Special Olympics Poster.
Before anyone even lectures me, let’s set aside the George Bailey metaphors about how I am “rich” beyond measure because of my wonderful kids and my wonderful wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah… I get it. And yes, I know it is in poor taste to bitch about money when you aren't exactly hovering around the TN State median income. But, just indulge me for one post.
Why can’t I for example, afford a 2005 Mercedes CL55 AMG? (MSRP of $119,620.00 for a finely tune German engineered automobile.) If I want to get a jump start on my mid-life crisis (and I do) then it will be difficult to do it in a Honda Odyssey.
My wife and I make a decent living and we live in Tennessee. So on the plus side:
No State Income Tax
Reasonable property taxes
Low prices on utilities (Relative to most places)
Low price on that basket of goods they always use to measure cost of living
15 year mortgage on a reasonably accommodating home
We have two decent paying jobs, (certainly at the high end for this part of the country).
And on the down side:
No trusts, family money or inheritances of any kind.
Care for the kids (part-time nanny plus private pre-school)
Six figure Student Loans with a pretty bad locked in rate (No deductions permitted based on our income – which is ridiculous. What couple has two graduate school loans to repay and makes less than $70K household???)
Lots of credit card debt
High Tax bracket
Spoiled kids who get everything they want. (Soccer outfitting alone)
Two mandatory trips to CA and New England every freakin year for family stuff. Pretty soon you can add Oregon to the list.
All the money is gone every single month! I have amassed (aside from 401K), no savings or assets of any kind whatsoever. How stupid is that? Every month I look at our ridiculous spending and I am amazed by how much we spend on stupid meaningless crap. We eat out too often, we buy stuff for the house, we buy stuff for the kids…the list goes on and on. The only good thing is that my wife and I are equally frivolous and undisciplined, so I doubt it will be a major issue in our marriage. (It is always a good idea to marry someone as fiscally irresponsible as you are.)
Dave Ramsey would say that we need to have a budget and we need to subscribe to that debt snowball ideology. Fuck him. I just want to understand how it is that people who make maybe a third of what my wife and I make have boats and fancy cars and houses just like ours. How is that possible? Where is my Mercedes?
Anybody have any get rich quick schemes they’d like to share?
And, it means that my wife has to stop using the excuse that she "had too much to drink," when she tells her friends about the first time we hooked up...
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I am sure you guys have seen this story, since it is the LEAD LOCAL STORY in the Tennessean, but for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure, here is another fine piece of journalism brought to you by the good people at our local paper.
I love that so many WWE, TNA and UFC fans came out of the woodwork yesterday. Professional wrestling is a very big deal in Tennessee (especially Memphis), so I guess I am not surprised, although I guess I am a little surprised that everyone was willing to own up to it. It’s not exactly the same as admitting you are a Ben Folds fan or that you like Jimmy Kelly’s for corn fritters.
For those of you die-hard pro-wrestling fans out there, (I promise this will be the last pro-wrestling post for at least a few days.) allow me a moment to give you my pro-wrestling fan resume. My dad and I went to about a dozen WWF and NWA matches at Madison Square Garden and The Meadowlands. I saw Bob Backlund lose the title to the Iron Shiek. I saw Hogan win the title from the Iron Shiek. I saw the Night of Champions match between Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat. I watched the Undertaker win a casket match against the Ultimate Warrior. I was at the opening night of TNA and attended maybe a half a dozen TNA events.
I actually went to High School with Shane McMahon (same year as me). Shane is the infamous son of pro-wrestling owner and talent, Vince McMahon. I also knew two of the guys in the “Mean Street Posse” including Pete Gas (actually Gasparino) who lived down the street from me.
My town was a few exits down the road from what was then the WWF's (now WWE) headquarters and I worked out at the same Gold’s Gym as some of the WWE's talent: Ric Flair, Randy Savage and occasionally even Hulk Hogan. Ric Flair was annoying and bossy and he was actually kind of a wuss in the weight room, but he’s still the man.
This is all to say that I have no choice. I have to love professional wrestling. It is environment not genetics...My fanaticism has ebbed and flowed, but I always return. When the instructors at "My Gym" went around the room asking their three year old attendees who the attendees wanted to be when they grew up, most of them yelled out "Barbie" or "Barney." My daughter said she wanted to be "Triple H." My wife may not have been amused; I couldn't have been prouder.
You guys are right...best to keep this sucker anonymous.
Yesterday an interesting (well I found it interesting) thing happened to me while I was surfing blogs. I visited another blog that mentioned one of my postings. It was kind of a weird feeling. (The person wasn’t crazy about a few ill-advised remarks I made about a co-worker.) The blog author’s criticisms were valid and not so happy. So suddenly, I felt this weird feeling of guilt because let’s face it, I don’t post responsibly, I just post.
I am not sure where I come out on whether or not I should “police” my own posts for content. See the problem is that sooner or later, I like most bloggers will inevitably say something stupid or offensive from someone’s point of view. Most times I think it’s ok to say something stupid, but I really don’t want to post anything that really offends a reader. That’s just not what this blog is about. (It’s funny that I say that like this blog is about anything…) Anyhow, the post was pretty insensitive, but the only thing I know for sure is that I am bound to repeat this error as well as many other equally stupid errors in the future. I apologize to everyone in advance.
The only thing I would add is that if you have a problem with something I write; let her rip in the comments. Don’t hesitate.
We had our third soccer practice yesterday afternoon. My daughter made an amazing save when one of the players on our team, a five year old man-child who had been dominating all afternoon, made a final shot on goal. A few days ago, my daughter and I had been practicing in the back yard and I had taught her to use her whole body to block the ball instead of just using her foot. So when she saw this guy come lumbering down the field, she got in the goal (giggling uncontrollably) and blocked the ball. The ball hit her in the stomach and bounced away from the goal. Of course the man-child is the only player on our team that can kick the ball really hard and so, the ball actually went flying through the air with some significant velocity. It smacked my daughter pretty hard. She pretty much had a mental breakdown at that point and may refuse to ever play soccer again, but what a save! Once we get over the fear of ever playing again…future Mia Hamm!
I was really disappointed that Rich Pawn Shop Dad wasn’t there. I wanted to talk Rolexes.
We’ve taken a brief respite from our adultery discussion at work to make fun of the Red Sox fans in the office. I know that Red Sox fans are really easy targets and there is almost no point in making fun of them, but you have to keep in mind that as a Vanderbilt football fan, I take my opportunities when I can get them. Apologies to MTC. (I keep apologizing to everyone this week.) I didn't realize you were a Red Sox fan until today. I spent my whole life up until college either living in NYC or within forty minutes of NYC, so I have been indoctrinated. I can't go home if I root for the Red Sox...
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Our company is offering discount tickets to the “Monster Truck” Rally at the Gaylord Entertainment Center. I would really love to go, but I don’t think I could find anyone who would be even a little bit interested.
I have the good fortune of having a friend who attends local professional wrestling events with me. (And with each post my credibility continues to melt away.) Unfortunately, our favorite professional wrestling organization, Total Non-Stop Action, has moved to Universal Studios in Florida, so we can’t attend the weekly Pay-Per-Views at the Nashville Fairgrounds any more. We used to get ringside seats to the events, and we would go through great pains to make sure we were not on camera in case a co-worker or God forbid, a client, might be watching. It might cause a riff if two supposedly competent attorneys were witnessed screaming at Jeff Jarrett while he hit The Amazing Red over the head with a folding chair.
The one time I specifically asked (normally you patiently wait for the company to offer) my company for suite tickets at Gaylord was for WWE Judgement Day. If you could have seen the look of disappointment on our PR Vice President’s face…It was the “you really shouldn’t be handling liability matters for this company” look. But I digress. The fact of the matter is that Professional Wrestling Events and Monster Truck Rallies are good for the soul. If ever there was a forum for immaturity and stupidity without any fear of reprisal, it has got to be these two venues.
Anyway, Monster Truck Racing November 5-7 at the Gaylord Entertainment Center, a few days before Metallica plays at Gaylord.
I had the pleasure of watching Metallica live on a number of occasions AND, I was friends with one of Metallica’s groupies when I was in college. (She was from the same East Coast neighborhood as Metallica and “rode on the bus” with them.) The Metallica Groupie (we were just friends so don’t even) was kind of dirty, but generally seemed like a pretty decent gal. She never came out and said she was a groupie, but she seemed to know everything about James Hetfield, she “rode on the bus” and she was notoriously slutty, so at the risk of jumping to conclusions, I think she was a groupie.
I have never fully understood why women love musicians so much. Guys like me sort of like female musicians, but they will only consider them as sexual beings if they are independently hot. (Of course their status as a musician does elevate them. Shirley Manson and Gwen Stafani are still high on my list.)
But women seem to go for the musician thing independent or often in spite of appearance. I don’t think appearance enters into the calculus nearly as much for women. Most women I know seem remarkably superficial when it comes to selecting men but they make special exceptions for musicians. To make a point, Vanessa Carleton for example, seems like a fairly talented woman, but she does nothing for most men. I appreciate her music but she ain’t getting on any of my very special lists. And yet The Rolling Stones and Aerosmith (Stephen Tyler in particular) have historically enjoyed an endless array of beautiful women. We’ll have to discuss this phenomenon during our next Law Department discussion.
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I tried the Tres Leche flavor at Maggie Moos. It tastes kind of like Udderly Cream with a little bit of butter added.
Towards the end of that Supersize me movie, they had a few historical anecdotes about various people who ate a lot of ice cream and died young as a result. I was curious to know what it was in ice cream that might cause early death (aside from the obvious saturated fat and sugar content), but there is no nutritional information at Maggie Moos. Maybe I should make a “Maggie Moo’s Me” movie where I eat nothing but Maggie Moos ice cream (or whatever else I can find off of their menu) for ten (10) days. I think thirty (30) days would very obviously kill me, so I would lean towards ten. The discipline might provide a good foundation for my marathon training which will begin in earnest in November.
We also ate at Atlanta Bread Company which I’ve also written about in previous posts. The wife ate chicken chili in a bread bowl and I had one of those panini things. Atlanta Bread Company has funny tasting Diet Coke.
I’ve run out of things to write about, so I’ve decided to let you guys in on the latest discussion topic making the rounds in our fine Law Department. In my role as our Company’s Labor and Employment Attorney, some 60% of the human resources issues I run into basically boil down to someone “messing around” instead of doing work. (Like me writing this post.) “Messing around” in a corporate setting often means either committing adultery or having some kind of sordid affair with a co-worker who is committing adultery. And so, the topic of discussion in our Law Department during the last few weeks has been adultery.
My theory has always been that people who claim that they would never cheat on their spouse or significant other are either unattractive (and therefore really not in a position to say), are deluded and in denial, have no realistic opportunity to cheat and/or are so scared by the prospect that they refuse to even entertain the thought. I think most people who have the opportunity to cheat and are in a certain place in their relationship will cheat. That is not to say that there aren’t people who don’t cheat because the opportunity never coincides with some blowout fight in their relationship; or that the opportunity never presents itself during some “low” period of serious neglect; or that there aren’t some who never act on their opportunities because their fears are so ingrained; or that some people just happen to work at places where most of their colleagues aren't exactly runway models (my wife and I); but just that somewhere in the neighborhood of 80-90% of all people would cheat given certain scenarios with certain other people.
It really pisses people off to hear this theory, particularly women.
Lawyers are notoriously guilty of having all kinds of affairs. I expect that this behavior is more pervasive in a Law Firm setting then necessarily the profession generally. In a firm, you combine long hours (often on the road), young attractive associates who are “suffering” together, and wealthy successful people with lots of money and voila…cheater heaven. Roboto could speak better to the law firm phenomenon. (If he could possibly take a moment away from his busy philandering schedule to even stop and consider the options available to him at work – bastard.)
So anyway, as we develop our topic, I will keep y’all posted and let you know what our little brain-trust comes up with. I will try to keep this whole discussion tied into Nashville, but we’ll see how it goes…
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At some point people are going to get tired of hearing about my miserable life as a Vanderbilt Football fan. But last night was a defining moment in any Vandy fan’s life. It proved that no matter what you think, no matter how much you believe, no matter how sure you are that Vandy can’t lose again, you’re just f---in wrong. Traditionally, I don’t believe in superstition, but I’ve just changed my mind. Vandy is f---in cursed. (Possibly irrevocably) Bobby Johnson seems like a good man and Lord knows Jay Cutler is a great QB, but they should pack it up and go find other schools. Everybody on the team, at the university and in the fan based deserves better.
I will say it again. As gut-wrenching as this must be for the fans, this must be absolutely life-altering for the players on the team. I really hope that somehow, some way, the team gets an upset win this season over a premiere football program this season. They deserve it.
Last night turned out to be a great night for football. The stadium was maybe half full, but the crowd was pretty enthusiastic. And so was Vandy initially. By half-time, Jay Cutler had torn up the Scarlet Knights and Vandy had a commanding lead 20-3. My wife and I were actually enjoying what appeared to be an inevitable victory. Vandy even extended the lead to 24 going into the fourth quarter. The crowd was happy.
Without going into the gory details, suffice it to say, when the final buzzer rang, Vandy lost by three. I don’t even know what to say. There is no non-football metaphor for this kind of choking.
And UT had to go and beat Georgia. I remember watching Georgia squeak by South Carolina. Personally, I had no doubt that UT was capable of beating Georgia. But it was still painful as all hell…
We ate at Noshville (somewhere around 21st Avenue around Salon FX) which was just dead empty on a Saturday night. Normally I have gone there for lunch and it has been packed. I guess people just don’t consider it a good dinner spot. Food was very good if you’re in the mood for Jewish style sandwiches, bagels and soups. Having grown up with my parents working in New York City, I can safely say that it isn’t as good as most of the Jewish Deli’s in the big city, (sandwiches while packed with meat, are pretty bland), but it’s a good change of pace kind of place. They have really decent breakfasty/lunchy food.
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My four year old daughter is wearing a Hard Rock Café shirt from San Juan. Right now, she and my son are rocking out while watching the Tweenies. Those puppets are freaking me out…
For those of you who don’t know, Vanderbilt will soundly defeat the Scarlet Knights of Rutgers this evening by at least 10 points. I will be attending the game if it isn’t raining. My wife is going with me tonight, so I am not going to brave bad weather. We are planning to see “Friday Night Lights” if it starts raining too hard.
We finished watching “Supersize Me,” last night. Would it have fucking killed someone to tell me that there was a really graphic vomit scene in that stupid movie? Nobody needs to see that…I enjoyed the movie, but honestly, Big Mac’s taste pretty good, and I can’t live on salads. As for those McGriddles, I have only had one in my life, but the thing was awesome. It may have as much fat as a Big Mac, but it easily tastes good enough to justify the fat content.
Speaking of fitness and nutrition, I am considering running in the Music City Marathon in 2005. I have never run a marathon before. So, below are my vital stats. Please let me know if you think I am going to die in my attempt…any input would be appreciated.
Right now I run around 7.5 miles a week. I run it fast and I run after I work out in the morning.
I could probably eek out a six minute mile for ONE mile.
The longest I have ever run is 15 miles, back in high school.
I was a college athlete, but not in track.
I am told that if I can run 5 miles in 45 minutes or less, I should be able to start training in earnest for a marathon 3 months before the actual event. I believe everything I hear, so my plan is to train for only three months.
I have horrible eating habits and I am not going vegan just so I can run a stupid marathon.
I don’t drink or smoke.
I am really not interested in running in the marathon unless I can break the 4 hour mark.
So who is with me? Anybody want to run the streets of Nashville with me? And I don’t want any of you serious runners volunteering. If you currently run more than 15 miles a week and/or track your caloric intake and/or have participated in competitive athletics in the last year and/or were born after 1975…forget it. Also, if you buy your food at Wild Oats, I won’t run with you on principle.
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I haven’t told anyone I know that I have a blog. And so, I wonder if other people that have their own blogs tell all their friends and relatives about their blog.
I don’t think I have posted anything about anyone that could be taken the wrong way. (There are a few unfortunate remarks about our loser single friends, but that was really directed at Nashville’s single scene.) Anyhow, now that this blog is into its third month of existence, I am strongly considering letting people know it is out there, so that I can passive aggressively comment on their behavior and personalities…
This is an article (article) about our Metro Police Chief’s son who was arrested yesterday for a DUI (in a parked car that was unfortunately up and running). One of the interesting things about this article is the quote from “DUI Mike,” a popular high profile “matchbook lawyer” in town. (When I say matchbook lawyer, I only mean to say that DUI Mike is one of those lawyers you see on a lot of billboards and hear about on a lot of local radio ads.) Some of my attorney friends who do some criminal and civil litigation tell me that DUI Mike is actually very good at what he does. DUI Mike and Bart Durham are kind of the heavily marketed attorneys here in town. We don't really have occassion to cross paths, but I do enjoy their ads. I am told that if I or my children ever get stopped for a DUI, we should strongly consider soliciting Mike’s services.
At my daughter’s soccer practices, I have enjoyed talking to another father who is a pawnbroker here in town. For a city the size of Nashville, I swear we have more pawn shops per capita than most high population ghettos. (We also have a lot of those Pay Advance and Title Loan shops, but that’s a separate post.) Anyway, he has traveled the world and used to specialize in small arms (guns), but decided that the ATF was too oppressive, so he decided to switch his business to Rolexes, diamonds and music equipment. I think he makes a lot of money (he has something like 20 Harley Davidsons). He is going to bring me his card so that I can go visit his storefront. I could use a discount Rolex and I am sure my wife could use a set of princess cut diamond earrings. Maybe I'll get the boy a Les Paul. I am actually kind of excited about it…I will let y’all know what he’s got in his store.
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I seem to be making a habit out of going to dinner at Opry Mills for different events. Last night, as a follow up to an exciting and invigorating training session on recent revisions to the Fair Labor Standards Act, a small herd of us went to Romano’s Macaroni Grill at Opry Mills.
For whatever reason, The Macaroni Grill and I have never really hit it off. I wasn’t really impressed with them last night either. The ambiance is fine, but there is something about the food I just don’t like. Everybody else seems to like it there, so I don’t know what it is…
One of the women in our group was a pleasant and attractive thirty-something gal who right away seemed very bubbly and friendly. Everyone went around the table talking about their kids and their families and we came upon this woman (not from Nashville) and asked her whether she had any kids. She stated very matter of factly that she had no husband and she had no boyfriend and men were too much work anyway. She then told us about her eleven year old cat and how taking care of her cat was enough stress for her life. (Her slightly inebriated neighbor asked if she had a girlfriend – she didn’t.) Anyway, she kind of recounted the details of her life and for some reason this all made me really sad. (I didn’t tell her that her pathetic life was bringing me down, but I was still uncomfortable and felt really sorry for her – which would I am sure piss her off, but I still felt sorry for her.)
My wife and I seem to know a gazillion single women in Nashville and maybe one or two single men. Now, at the risk of offending any of you in the “empowered women” set, it seems like it must be a real challenge to stay upbeat if you are a professional thirty-something woman in Nashville and you didn’t grow up here. There seems to be a pretty strong network of young people introducing their single friends to one another, but it is a difficult to insert yourself into this group if you are a carpetbagger from the Midwest, West or the East. Of course there are always bars and clubs, but that’s really not a good fit for a lot of the women we know. (Not that they are losers or anything but…I don’t know…not everybody has a good bar rap.) Anyway, I continue to be amazed at the number of attractive single women we know and how difficult it is for all of them to find a date. It makes me wonder; where do people meet each other in Nashville (besides bars and churches)?
Maybe they are all meeting each other online?
There is a gay fella in my law school class who described for me a very active gay “scene” in Nashville. (There is something that I find very shocking about that.) This guy gets laid CONSTANTLY. I guess when you combine male libido’s that is what you get, but all this guy does is wander into a “Nashville Chatroom” on a weekday night and he almost invariably finds himself a new companion for the weekend. (I’d lecture him about the pitfalls of casual sex with strangers you meet online, but what good would it do? He’s too busy enjoying himself.) He complains that romance is hard to find, but I don’t know, I’m starting to wonder if our single female friends wouldn’t settle for some quick weekend companionship in a pinch…maybe match.com is the answer.
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I think I have managed to post something like 75 posts and I have never really expressed any political inclinations. Maybe a snide comment here or there, but generally speaking, aside from my obvious disdain for bad driving and overt racism, I have remained fairly neutral. Unlike almost every blog I have read, I have little desire to influence your vote.
But, I am an attorney, and I therefore, have very strong feelings about Edwards. Edwards, as we all know was a trial attorney with a fairly strong reputation, particularly in Nashville. Edwards made a large part of his fortune as a medical malpractice attorney. Edwards was a "plaintiff’s attorney" and a card carrying American Trial Lawyers Association (ATLA) attorney. Edward's was an ambulance chaser. He was paid on contingency. He was just very, very good at it.
In my position, I have met some of the more successful plaintiff’s attorneys in the country. Usually, (though not always), they are on the opposite side of the court room. Anyway, below is my admittedly biased view on plaintiff’s attorneys in America.
When I meet most plaintiff attorneys, I am generally stunned by their uncanny ability to rationalize their existence. Guys like Edwards truly believe that their existence is important for the legal process. They think that without contingency lawyers in the world, the poor and downtrodden would never have representation. They believe that all corporations are bad and out to get everyone, and they believe there is no accountability in commerce. I honestly find this self-delusion puzzling and annoying.
Plaintiff’s attorneys have a very simple tried and true formula:
Find an individual or a class of individuals that has suffered some kind of harm whether as a direct result or indirect result of using some product. Let’s say there is a statistical bump in the occurrence of heart disease when you take a new “drug x” to help you lose weight when you are morbidly obese.
Never mind the good that “drug x” does or the likelihood of heart disease if one remains morbidly obese, just show in testing that if 100 normal fit humans eat obscene amounts of this drug, they are statistically more likely to have heart disease than a placebo group. (Don’t use morbidly obese subjects because that will screw up your data.)
Find someone (if potential client is deceased, find the someone’s estate) who has suffered some kind of heart disease after using this drug. (Even if they weigh 550 pounds and live a completely sedentary life.) Make sure you have sympathetic witnesses and your client can generate tears on command. Find videos of your client running around happy and carefree, show them post heart attack barely coherent and confused.
Make sure your client has no money and no resources and try to find an individual or a relative of an individual who is bitter and fairly stupid.
Make your pitch. Explain to them that pharmaceutical companies don’t care about them. Tell them that there is no future for their family. Tell them that unlike those lying cheating companies, you do care. Offer your services at no cost to them. Tell them they can make millions if they just let you speak for them. You will be an advocate for them. You will get them justice.
Get them to sign on for 35-55% of recovery (Or whatever theridiculous cap is in your state) PLUS attorney’s fees payable ONLY if there is a recovery.
Sue pharmaceutical company for actual damages in the $5-10 million dollar range per occurrence for life care and lost wages. Sue for punitive damages at whatever maximum is allowable.
Find a jurisdiction where you fish with the judge and your jury pool is poor, frustrated and ignorant.
File your Complaint. Hire 100 paralegals to sift through documents and pelt your target company with discovery requests. Ask to depose all the executives. Inconvenience them so badly that they can barely function as a company.
Settle after only two months work for around $4 Million per occurrence. Ask for some stupid meaningless programs that will educate consumers and ask for mandatory donations in your client’s name to the American Heart Association.
Find others in the same boat as your client and keep settling with the company for a huge set amount so that you will go away. Going forward, do very little additional work, find clients with circumstances similar to your first client, brag about your recent recovery (don’t mention your cut) and become a rapid settlement producing machine…
If necessary, go to trial and use your charisma and good ole boy likeability to mischaracterize the facts and delude your juries.
Get on television and play on the fears of your audience by talking about how much money pharmaceutical companies make and how they have a stranglehold on healthcare. Tell them that someone needs to protect the American Consumer.
Set up a PAC and pay lobbyist thousands of dollars to prevent tort reform from ever gathering any momentum.
Run for the Senate and then the Vice Presidency saying that you are a working man fighting for the people. Try to downplay the fact that you are a millionaire many times over while your clients have gotten some measly amount that barely covers their home-nursing payments and the payments on their one-bedroom dive in some ghetto that you never visit.
All indications are that Edwards is a good guy and a good lawyer. But even if he is the exception to these rules, and I doubt he is, this is the plaintiff’s attorney crowd he runs with. I think it is unbelievably ironic that Edwards talks about healthcare without mentioning that one of the primary reasons why insurance company premiums are high and medical costs are high is the direct result of opportunistic plaintiff’s attorneys like him suing the shit out of healthcare companies.
MERCK is only partially in trouble because they had to take a drug off the shelves and because they lost a bunch of business. They are really in trouble because they are about to get hit with so many product liability suits that they will soon wish they were dead and buried.
Driving down I65S heading towards Nashville, I noticed that the huge “Storage Space” facility on the right near the Armory Drive Exit has a flashing red LED sign. It says, “Let God Shine Through You.” Then it says “Personal Storage.”
The LED sign sits a few miles down the road from the ever present statue of general Nathan Bedford Forrest, a Confederate General who was also the proud founder of the Ku Klux Klan. How this ridiculous looking monstrosity has survived since 1998 is beyond my comprehension. Anyway, when you look at it today, it looks worn down and poorly maintained. It is really an ugly looking thing. The General looks scrawny, weak and cartoonish…probably explains why the South got its ass beat during the Civil War.
The organization that erected this silly thing has its own website. One of the headlines is an article on reparations for the South. This article isn’t about reparations for African Americans mind you, it is about reparations for the proud descendents of the Confederate army…one is at a loss for words.
Anyway, just beyond the ridiculous tribute to racism and hatred in the South and a hair beyond the Personal Storage Space “Let God Shine Through You” LED Sign (Couldn’t just give us the time or the temperature huh?) is the 27 Screen garish multiplex over at 100 OAKS. This is the stupid crap I have to look at every day on my drive into work. Why couldn’t I find a job in Brentwood or Cool Springs?
At least it is getting dark enough at 5:30 am that I can’t see any of this stuff.
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I am running out of stuff to write about. But I was looking through the Tennessean and thought you out-of-staters might want to look at the next set of bills up for consideration at the next Metro Council Meeting.
Below is an article lifted from the Tennessean describing (original article) some of the bills the council will be discussing on Tuesday.
As an aside, I can’t understand why this reporter doesn’t address these issues directly. Doesn’t the reporter think his audience wants some perspective on these issues? There are so many things to talk about related to these bills. I would love to hear the Tennessean’s position on nudity in the arts. Wouldn’t it be nice if our city newspaper took a freaking stand on ultra-conservative Metro Council debates that stifle free expression? Council members are arguing over nudity in the arts and The Tennessean has nothing to say? Wusses.
Now, I know there are probably any number of letters to the editor that address these issues, but I honestly don't read the editorials pages. I prefer it when my biased political reporting is a little more subtle. But, if all these issues have already been addressed in the editorials pages, I apologize to the Tennessean.
Really, one wonders why the council can’t quietly take care of some of this crap with some kind of legislative rider. This stuff is embarrassing. The text is verbatim from the Tennessean, I have inserted a few comments in italics.
Ordinances require three ''yes'' votes to become law. Resolutions need only one approval. Here are some of the bills to be considered:
Dog-manure ban
Bill number: BL2004-302, third of three votes.
Sponsor: Ronnie Greer
What it would do: Create a $50 fine for dog owners who don't clean up after their pets in public places.
This seems reasonable. Although I am sure dog-lovers would want to weigh in. I have no comments.
Pinball players
Bill number: BL2004-350, third of three votes.
Sponsor: Mike Jameson
What it would do: Make pinball machines legal for minors under age 18. Existing law was created when pinball machines were used as gambling devices.
When were pinball machines used as gambling devices? Was it really gambling or was it a pinball machine that rewarded players based on their performance, (free additional balls or something) in which case, I would put it in the professional sports category. Isn’t gambling illegal regardless of whether or not pinball machines are illegal? It’s not like we make a deck of cards illegal just because they can be an instrument for gambling. Has anyone ever been arrested for violating this law? Can't this be one of those stupid laws that no one pays any attention to like anti-sodomy laws or something? Do we really need to strike this law down?
Anyway, this thing has me puzzled. Are there any pinball machines in all of Nashville? (Now I can’t remember ever seeing one.)
Taxi etiquette
Bill number: BL2004-351, third of three votes.
Sponsor: Adam Dread
What it would do: Place minimum standards of conduct on taxi drivers to ensure passengers have a pleasant and safe trip. Doesn't allow drivers to smoke, burn incense or talk on a cell phone for personal calls while operating the cab. Also requires rates and passenger ''bill of rights'' to be posted in the cab.
Cabbies can talk on a cell phone for "non-personal" purposes? Isn’t the whole idea of not talking on a cell-phone related to safety? I mean, I know it can be rude and all, but personally if I am in a cab, I don’t care if the call is personal or not, I want the cabbie to get off the f---in phone…I’d just as soon they be allowed to burn their incense, but be restricted from talking on their cell phones under all circumstances.
Fence standards
Bill number: BL2004-346, third of three votes.
Sponsor: Amanda McClendon
What it would do: Require standards for fences such as building codes and material requirements. Fences would have to be built with certain materials, including wood, vinyl, wrought iron, masonry and treated plastic.
What the hell else are you going to build a fence out of? Are people building fences out of corn or something? Maybe it’s that galvanized crap that they don’t like…
Planning zone change
Bill number: BL2004-387, first of three votes.
Sponsor: Erik Cole
What it would do: Change zoning in the Cooper Lane and Piedmont Avenue area to allow 115 homes and 38 town homes.
I guess that’s ok.
Arts Commission grant
Resolution number: RS2004-482
Sponsor: Brenda Gilmore
What it would do: Accept a $50,000 state grant so the Metro Arts Commission can distribute the money to nonprofit organizations for arts projects. Council's deferral last meeting represented continuing battle with the arts commission concerning nude art or other themes some council members find offensive.
What the hell is wrong with nude art? Isn’t something like 50% of all art “nude?” Every once in a while, I will see an article about some kind of ordinance or resolution that reminds me of how backwards Nashville can be. This is the kind of deferral that a sixty year old Amish man would fight for. I am not suggesting that we should allow all manner of art (the excrement on the Christian images for example, is a bit over the line for a government subsidized piece of artwork), but a wholesale ban on all art with any nudity? Can’t they at least show someone’s butt like on NYPD Blue? |
I had to give my tickets to last night's game to a colleague so I could stay home with the kids. We listened to the whole game on the radio.
There are so very few moments of pure happiness in a Vanderbilt football fan's life. Last night was one. I was sweating it out until the last possible moment and even then, I was convinced the refs might find a way to take the victory from us, but ultimately, in black and white, there it is on the front page of the Sports Section of the Tennessean: "A lot of smiles, finally." Vandy 31 Miss. St. 13.
AND, the Vandy win is just the beginning of the greatest Saturday in recent football memory. It might have something to do with the headline underneath the Vandy story: "Auburn runs over UT." Heh heh...When it rains it pours! Where are my friendly neighborhood Vol fans now? Where is the big orange flag? Where is the white truck with the stupid orange T on the door and the UT flags on the roof???
It happens every season...though usually at the Peach Bowl...some team dashes the misguided expectations of the Big Orange Nation.
A weekend where Vandy crushes a SEC opponent and UT gets crushed by a SEC opponent! This has got to be unprecedented. I am actually looking forward to our next games! Wha hoooooooo!
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I am actually pro-Simpsons Halloween displays. In fact, The Simpsons' Halloween Special was for many years, my favorite Simpsons episode of the year.
I had to be very discreet taking this picture for all of you. There is a fine line between happily admiring a neighbor's display and mocking your neighbors. I don't want anyone to misconstrue my motives. I just thought y'all might enjoy this. I actually get a kick out of it...
Every year around halloween, there are a bunch of good folks at our church who talk about how Halloween is an anti-Christian Holiday. I never really heard much about that until I moved down south. (We did have that razor blade scare where I grew up, but that was pretty universal.)
I am not sure I get the whole "Halloween is anti-Christian" thing. (I mean I get the argument - please no right wing editorials on the history of Christianity or Halloween.) But as far as my kids are concerned, they are just getting free candy for dressing up as their favorite characters. I don't think they quite grasp the satanic undertones and paganistic rituals associated with Halloween. Ultimately, I expect that they won't think the giant skeleton Homer is equivalent to a Christian nativity scene.
But, anyway...cool Homer.
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Friday, October 01, 2004
Playing hooky this afternoon - Adult Entertainment
I have to go to lunch with a group of attorneys from a Nashville law firm downtown. The firm I am visiting is one of the three firms we do business with in Nashville. I am not sure where they are taking me.
I am trying to figure out if there is anything fun I can do while I am downtown. There really isn’t any shopping to speak of. There are no great museums or theatres. With the NHL strike, I can’t even go to Gaylord and get hockey tickets for later. I don’t think that the bars would be that interesting at 2:00 in the afternoon. So, what can I do? I suppose I could go to court and watch someone argue a case. Maybe I could see if there is a gentleman’s club downtown that offers a free buffet or something.
My wife and I got really curious one time and went to visit a Nashville landmark, the “World’s Largest Adult Bookstore” which if you’ve ever driven through Nashville, you can clearly see from the highway. First of all, it wasn’t really a bookstore (it pretty much had videos and sex-toys and stuff). Second, it wasn’t really all that big. Third, (and this may be a shock), I don’t think it was a very safe place for me to bring a young attractive woman. I probably should have thought that through.
I have only been to two of the “Gentleman’s Clubs” in Nashville. Each time I have gone, it was for a bachelor party or most recently because a good friend from school was in town. I received permission from my wife on each occasion, even though during a subsequent argument, I later discovered that it actually DID bother her (shocking), so I will probably bow out next time. I have been to Ken’s Gold Club and Club Platinum. I don’t really know what to say about either one. It is too dark inside to really tell if they are clean or not; the times I have gone, the places have been near empty; the music has been too loud; and the talent has been fine (I guess)…I have never dropped down $20-$50 for a lap dance and I don’t really understand the concept of the “lap dance.” Why would I waste the money when (to quote George Costanza), if I apply myself, I can probably get it for free?
I have never quite gotten the hang of making small talk with women who are taking their clothes off, although, in my defense, I have mastered the art of looking at their eyes instead of elsewhere when I say, “no thank you” to their after solo-dance sales pitch.
My friend was working as a lawyer for Metro when there was a big controversy in Nashville over whether adult entertainers should have to wear “pasties” when they worked at any of the various clubs around town. The folks that argued for mandatory pasties insisted that there was a legitimate (Not to be stodgy, but I am inclined to agree.) public health concern with women rubbing their exposed private parts against strangers. Now, I am no STD expert, but I assume that if a woman were having a bad breakout of whatever, and rubbed against a guy’s skin, he might contract some of whatever the woman has. (Are there any doctors who can speak to this?) At any rate, I have seen adult entertainers straddle a guy’s head during a lap-dance and I am pretty sure an opportunistic little crab could hop over into some guy’s hair without too much effort. Anyway, the freedom of expression folks won the day and Nashville remains a “full nude” city.
I could go to a coffee shop with my laptop and set up shop, but I am no coffeehouse intellectual and I don’t even think I could convincingly look interested in a book for more than a few minutes. I could go to the library. Do you think the General Jackson has river tours during the day?
When I went to college in Chicago, it was easy to take a bus downtown and enjoy a day of just goofing around. You could just trace the same path that Ferris Bueller took and have a really great time. One of you should map out a Nashville “day off” for me. I am curious what people would come up with. I am coming up empty.
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